Oh, what a month it has been! Hopefully, a picture is worth a thousand words, because I'm going to try and capture it with some pictures. As my dear sister-in-law, Sarah, put it in a facebook post:
I am not ok. I’ve been grieving this for 2 years but it hit harder over the past couple of weeks. They say motherhood is like walking around with
your heart outside of your body, but nothing can prepare you for when your heart is a world away.
(This is copied from Michele Reyes because I couldn’t have articulated it better!)
“Things are changing for our family.
We’re entering a different season as kids begin to leave home.
And with that comes a quiet grief.
But I’ve come to see grief as love and gratitude.
Longing for something so beautiful we wish it would last.
And it’s ok that it won’t.
The next chapter can hold its own kind of wonderful.
And this ache I feel now…
It simply means I loved this season deeply.”
So true. Great grief and great joy. If my kiddos were still home, they'd be suffocating and not thriving. But, boy, do I miss being front row seat to their journeys. Piper pointed out something in a Marco Polo she sent me this week that when she was reading in 1 Nephi about Laman and Lemuel complaining about how awesome Jerusalem was and why in the world did they ever need to leave home, she felt a connection with her own feelings of wanting to be home. She realized that she is where she needs to be, as much as she misses us. (She assured me that she doesn't believe that this means our house is doomed to be destroyed as Jerusalem was. Liesl begs to differ everytime a rainstorm comes through--those epic ones that frequent Ohio that I never experienced in Utah.)
But before the picture come rolling through, here are some brainstormed highlights--
--Lily is in the service of our country-army boot camp... JK! I just can't start in the middle. Hold that thought.
--Tova lives deliciously close for one of my "graduated" adults, only 2 1/2 hours away! I got to drive out twice this week: once to see her lead the music in her church's Primary (children's) program and once to a doctor's appointment together. (Adult life can be messy.) I loved talking to her yesterday about "filling in for me" if Lily's company actually lets her enjoy her weekend of leave coming up in early November: she'll drive down with Piper to be the family, feed Lily and let her enjoy more than 30 second showers. I loved that as I was talking to Tova, she erupted into giggles when her puppies started aggressively licking her.
-Kel and his lovely family are planning to come and stay with us!!! The little ones and Reka (sorry! no hungarian letters here for that "e"!) will be coming before Halloween so we can enjoy the holiday together...probably up at Tova's house since she is actually in a neighborhood where we can do that kind of thing :D. I think it's going to be a tradition, honestly.
Anyway, we are getting the basement ready--first by emptying it of the hundreds of items that were so generously donated for our yard sale where the youth I am working with earned over $1800. Our community is so beautiful and so generous!
This was HILARIOUS. The young men of our group were "organizing" boys clothes and suspiciously brought over some large eggs with great tenderness. "What's in them?" I asked. "Oh,....nothing." "Ummm....as long as it's not questionable," I countered. "Yeah!" squeaked one, his voice betraying him. Yup, cracked the egg and it's full of boxers. :O
The little ones earned enough to help them do glass blowing at a local glass blowing studio for Christmas ornaments!
The youth worked HARD...hours and hours of work in the hot, hot sun: setting up and taking down. Such a blessing. And now the basement is cleared-ish! (I still have one play happening between now and then, so there will be costumes there for a little bit, but then it will be just for Reka and her darlings!)
Reka is done with her schooling and spending time raising the littles. Akos goes to a day care pretty regularly, but it is tradition that kids go to day care starting at two years old, I believe. They are so cute and we enjoy our weekly video chats. Kel is playing on a competitive football team there and we love visiting them. (Quinn enjoyed a little over two weeks there the end of August into September.)
Just like his daddy...
--Missing Isaak. We found one of the die cast cars we save for his birthday celebration and it reminded me that little Akos will be here to help us enjoy the cars for Isaak's birthday in Novemeber. Love that little guy.
--My third son and fourth child prefers to be incognito (particularly on the net) these days and is thriving even as he does awesome (and questionable) experimentation with the range of human existence. To respect him, I'll say little else, that I thoroughly enjoy my interactions with him and am so proud of how he is adulting.
--Now to Lily, my warrior in camo. Wow, is boot camp exactly what it is cracked up to be. She wanted to be challenged and I think you should be careful what you wish for, lol. Or not so lol. Her battalion is full of people who just want to escape and break rules, so they haven't been able to call home yet. (It's been over a month.) She had five minutes of phone time. Once. Brief texting conversation.
But the thing about Lily is that I know she will learn and thrive. I found this meme that captures how I feel:
Dragon slayers indeed. I would take any one of my children on my side come zombie apocalypse time. She is sending letters but boy do I miss connecting with her. She is so missed here. Christmas leave will be sweet.
--Hyrum, Hyrum, Hyrum...he came back from "working" at the lake this summer (haha) and is now "going to school." That boy. I think he has ten dates, is on the intermural football teams, has burns on his leg from sand volleyball, took apart an engine for his class and is ahead on his homework. Oh, and he's been country dancing a couple of times. If it wasn't tradition and if everyone else at college wasn't leaving, I'm not sure he would make it home. I love our weekly conversations for his Book of Mormon class!
We had such fun with him this summer whenever he came home and went up to join him at Lakeside to go to Cedar Point as a family once, too! He also went skydiving with Lily, Piper and Quinn, too, and survived. It whetted his appetite for when he's a pilot himself someday.
--And Piper, oh my dear, sweet Piper. She is thriving at BYU Provo, as I knew she would. The little smarty pants is also figuring out adulthood with flare and I love our Marco Polos back and forth to each other. Her year at BYU Provo started hard, with new roommates and being sick, but she's managed to figure out the new system, new campus, new social setting and start deciding how she wants to handle it all. She shaved her head this summer and is absolutely adorable.
--Havala is the oldest at home....what??? Yeah. Our house is SO empty with six kids home. Reality shift. She loves taking the voice lessons that she switched to this year, continues to bless our home with her piano music, leads and thrives in her church, acting, scholastic, friend community and is just overall a joy. She is tender when talking with the little ones and she and Xai have taken to going out to do chickens together at night, discussing some kind of live, full-sized Sorry game they want to design. She and the boys have become quite the trio at night for animal care, making it something they look forward to rather than dread.
I've really come to depend upon her. She's so mature and willing, I need to make sure I am not taking advantage of that!
Havala's had a hard time with some stake things (one of our church groups): our unit is very far away from the others and it's hard for her to feel connected. She and Maia frequently feel on the outskirts of the social community, but I admire her for her persistence. She and Maia have also been very diligent with going to early morning seminary, leaving at 5:30 every morning to travel the 30 minutes one way to attend. They're my "go-to shoppers" as well, which I'm grateful for.
--Maia is really blossoming with her artistic touch and personal development. She has really deepened in her awareness and maturity over the past few months and I love our relationship now! She's funny and thoughtful, leaving little things for me to lighten my day.
She loves her friends, but also having quiet time in her room. She for sure misses her big siblings, but is allowing herself to find joy in relationships around her, being remarkable flexible and humble when I ask her to change how she's treating her siblings.
--Xai is fun. :D He loves to play games, think, help people, correct people, say sorry, and try again. I really look up to him. I am looking forward to playing games with him today! He is really into "scratch" coding right now and has designed his own video game (shocker). He also is maturing physically and emotionally and it will be cool to see him grow into his feet. He LOVES D&D with his siblings, too, and we love it when my third son leads it. Xai's mind is always going, but he allows himself time for it to slow down as well, which I am glad for. Just so fun!
Check out his and Eli's commentary in this recent clip of Quinn cutting down a tree on our property:Hilarious!
He's super excited to be playing the thief and the lunatic in our upcoming play: "Squad Room." Fun guy, for sure!
Here's Quinn's epic re-counting of the above:
Tonight we had an elders quorum Mexican potluck game night. We were supposed to take our favorite games to play so I took ping pong stuff. There is already a table at the church.
Bralli and I were having a heated battle, struggling back and forth playing to 11. It was 10 to 1 and Bralli miraculously returned my serve. But he had a little too much loft to it and I sent the ball back at warp speed with a crushing overhand slam. As the flaming ball careened off the corner of Bralli's side for the epic victory, my monstrous forehand follow-through found a fateful something- that-starts-with-f-that-is-synonymous-with-outcome. Unbeknownst to me, Xai had walked up behind me and caught the edge of my paddle with his forehead. He took it like a trooper. It was a solid blow.
Xai loves cooking challenges! We did this when my niece and nephew, Olivia and Owen, were visiting and loved it.
--Eli! Wow. That kid has SO much intelligence and personality--I kind of almost felt God gave him dyslexia to such a degree to keep him humble and slow him down a little. While I don't enjoy all the arguments (never is not old), he does have a warm heart and sincere apology for how he has treated me at the end of almost every day. His voice in the commentary above is also unmistakable and so fun!
He is just a delight--hot and cold, you name it. Mouthy, sweet, kind, sassy. Wow. Just wow. He loves sports, easily talks to people of all ages, and just has so much going on in that body. And he's growing up too fast <3.
Our epic bonfire at my parents' house.
--Liesl, the firebrand. Wow in a different way! My mom said that I was just like Liesl and that she (my mom) also wondered if she would survive. I'll just let the pictures speak for this one, this brilliant, &$#@ child whom I LOVE!
Liesl loves music, her friends, acting, doing the Vanguard Jr. group that we do, has started learning to swing dance, the Vanguard adventurers group, singing, is AWESOME at cleaning her room when it's super messy even if she hates it. She likes her siblings...sometimes (her words not mine) "the siblings that I like most of the time are, like,____and _____and ______,...............and _________." (Lol! Wouldn't you like to know??) She likes exploring, the woods, math, playing, and is just super smart and cute.
--Penelope, my snuggler. What a perfect little caboose. We find her throwing cats, snuggling with babies that she finds, carrying around the attacheable high chair and sitting in it randomly. She refuses to let anyone help her "read the scriptures" and has her own way of looking at things that I love. Here are her answers for the Primary Program:
When was a time that the Lord answered your prayers? "That you have to do something happy and give your sister a present."
How does praying help strengthen your faith in Jesus Christ? "That Jesus will help you when you are praying. Then He will come to you."
What are you doing now to prepare to go to the temple? "Getting baptized then you have food then you go and do your math at the church with Illiana. She will love it!"
Benchmarks:
-We did a whirlwind drive through the night trip to South Dakota for my nephew's wedding at the beginning of September.
-We started a full schedule of homeschool groups: Vanguard Core, Journeyman and Master classes, with Vanguard Junior and Vanguard Adventurers to complement them for the younger ones. We have our Lightside Choir starting their fall group with almost thirty youth in it; our Lightside Acting Troupe prepping two plays at once--Squad Room for the fall, and Les Mis for winter (a new adaptation); sports night for youth on Wednesday and Community on Thursday night, and our new Lightside Bell Ringers, with a delightful range of ages from 7 to mature. (Older than me!) Havala is teaching swing class on Monday night after the tradition of her older brothers, too, completing a very full social calendar. I love that it mostly involves us doing things as a family--my favorite way!
We've been battling with sickness off and on for about half of the month, been working on getting wood for our winter supply and dealing with crazy driveway issues.
That's a wrap for today! Time for a little nap....
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